Grace-Fully Stirred.

On one hand I am relieved.
You have released me from this need to stay loyal to you.
In the same breath I truly sympathize.
Fear has made you become that that you once rebuked.
You must have been terrified!

I accepted your flaws but when mine showed you fled.
I stripped my heart bare but you fenced off yours.
I watered us and we blossomed only for you uproot us to non existent.
We wailed; “God help us”,
I know now that you meant “God help me”.
I should hate you!

To be human is a limiting thing sometimes.
If I had seen this end from the beginning I would have prayed for you more earnestly,
It is clearer now that you are going to need it.

I refuse to resent you.
To curse and regret you.
You were the light in my every dark place.
My favourite scent in every mess.
My thread to every tear.
You were my love.
The same love that made me will keep me.

I will cheer you on like I did when I first met you.
I will love you from a distance.
Only now I will love me more because it’s not my job to sacrifice any more.
And no, that is not loyalty, that is the grace of God.

The same Grace that He availed me when my toil failed.
In Him I can handle this wreckage too.
After all, He saw this from the beginning and perfected it to His will.
I trust him to keep you.

MENDING US

By Florence Rwengabo & Rogers Wanambwa

HER;

I hear it when you speak.
Your voice trembles to your effort to make a sound.
As you clear your throat it lingers still.

I see it when you look at me.
I can almost see you begging me to not take you there.
Those teary clouds in your eyes as you blink your strength into existence tell me that there is more than a spake in them.

You have been wrecked.
Pieces of you spilled all over, your every effort to put them together seems like a lifetime chore.
You have given yourself away so much for so long you are almost bare.

I know you have wandered a while, but I am here now.
What do you say we make up for lost time?
How about you rest your hands in mine, lean on my feeble shoulders until your voice mends back to verbal strength and your eyes restore their beautiful brown clarity?

We shall dust these pieces at your pace, fit them back lovingly until you can look back in the mirror and recognize what you see.
Until then, we will not stop.
Because this is no longer just your wreckage but mine too.

HIM;

She tells me all this and I really want that,
In fact, I need it.
I need everything she promises me!
But the demons, those demons of old.
They don’t allow me to move past them.
To see a future where I am happy for once.
Perhaps if I had seen her before all this happened.
Before I was broken beyond repair.

But I really love the promise of better.
Maybe I really should give it a chance,
Give her a chance.
Maybe I should accept to be on the receiving end this time.

After all, everyone deserves a go at Happy.
I know she deserves happy too.
We can mend ourselves back to a happy place,
If we gave it a chance.
If we gave ourselves a chance,
We can make it.
We can Mend Us.

An issue that is so close to my heart.

I knew a young and enthusiastic man once, his ambitions I often found disturbing, a work ethic so rare we called him “The man who pays rent for his belongings” as he spent most of his days and nights in the office. Like many, Leonard was subtly eager to find someone “to grow with” he called it. And the universe was rooting for him as he would soon meet someone incredible.
They loved each other, entirely. She was a few years younger than him and whilst that came with challenges, in hindsight, it gelled them together beautifully.

“This has to work, she nourishes a part of me that I can not live without,” he said during one of our conversations visibly confused. To which I responded, “Then don’t lose her”. His hand in mine, we took a slow walk around the block and by the time we returned he was less confused.
She loved to dine and wine, the wrinkle in that was that neither of them could afford that, yet. In the grand scheme of things, however, that was not nearly the problem but rather the fact that she hadn’t the slightest idea of what independence entailed let alone accountability. As we came to learn, unlike him nobody taught her these things. But he was in it for the long haul. So they worked through a plan; She would enroll for a financial literacy course off her usual school schedule, he would go full-on with his photography and take on every reasonable offer. Soon enough they were on the same page and boy oh boy have they grown!

Watching these two over the years, I am always reminded of how no one taught me certain values growing up, not even in school. I just followed the rules and went by what society justified. As I have evolved, I regret not having expressed myself or unlearning these lessons earlier on in my life and carved out my own rules and values. I don’t blame any of those people because I realize that that is what they were taught too but I wish someone corrected me.

Often you will meet people whose beliefs, opinions and perceptions you do not share. Instead of discarding and ridiculing them, I implore you to listen to and learn their whys. Do not enable them, puff up their ignorance and carnal man and think that won’t spill over to the next generation. Correct and lovingly critic them. If they do not take it, too bad that is on them. But I promise you that many of us are trying to unclothe ourselves of our unpleasant shells and you will be surprised to know that most of them were not self-inflicted.

Here, Now.

This life O’ Lord, your daily undeserved gift to me.
A life rich and adventurous, yet I grumble and whine.
Living it like its mine still , worrying about how to sustain it.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

This life here and now O’Lord, I will live it for you.
I will soak in the sun, gaze at the moon and marvel at the stars.
Savor every meal to its aroma.
I will guard my heart and reserve it for your truths and commands.

Be diligent and persistent.
I will be kind.
Learn humility and twirl cheerfully.
I will laugh, dance, sing.
Yes, I will praise you for every moment I have to that you have entrusted to me.

For here and now O’ Lord,
I choose to live not to merely exist.

20 minutes with a celebrity. Who and why?

MM Meghan Markle; Because she embodies all a woman can and should be if you ask me. But also, because I would love to know how she is doing. Truly.

I would like to hear her side of the story in its entirety, what flued her to take the path she did, and why. Get a brief glimpse of her mind and where she desires to be both family and career-wise.

To know what she has had to sacrifice(and maybe still does), if she intends on re-inventing “The tig”, her favorite books, and her style inspirations.

And to tell her that she is stupendous! The epitome of poise, brilliance, and strength.

Those would be twenty minutes put to great use.

Till then,
#UgBlogMonth.
Challenge 13/21.

A Confession.

 A sense of nostalgia crips in as I read this topic, only because most confessions I have made in the past landed me in trouble and I am almost certain I will not get away with this either. 

I do not get the cake fuss. There, I said it. The flavors, colors, oh, and the frosting I simply can’t seem to get myself to grasp the importance of it all. Don’t get me wrong, I tend to my sweet tooth every so often but I do not understand why this is the item that makes it to every occasion’s budget.

Growing up cake was a thing for weddings, and you bet we made a feast of that icing sugar. But go for house warming today and there it is. 

In my opinion, a baby shower is still enjoyable without a red velvet-ten-tied cake at the center of the venue, the same goes for a bridal shower, and all these events that this generation is inventing.

So again, I say, I do not get the fuss.

Forgive me if I have sinned.

Till then, 

#UgBlogMonth.

Challenge 10/21

My Favorite Blogs.

  I am late today so let’s jump right into it. I read a bit and so I find myself on several blogs for different reasons that I do not think I have a favorite(yet). Every time I read a blog as an aspiring writer and mostly as a human being, there is a lesson to learn good or not so good. But I will tell you of a blog that I find myself “visiting” frequently. 

                      CBOMhttps://mosesmukisa.wordpress.com/; Mosze is many things one of which is a teacher. And needless to say, learning is a thing of mine. His blog just like all his work is diverse, disturbingly honest but yet clearly educational. To top it off, a lot of it if not all is backed by scripture. From love to faith, finances, and even the church. You will assuredly find yourself immersed in a lot he has to say which if practiced will help you grow.

Till then.

#UgBlogMonth

Challenge 9/21.

Thoughts on Uganda’s health care system.

HCOur health care system has pleasantly surprised me in many ways during this pandemic. So, I will start by giving credit where it’s due. I am rather proud of how we have handled COVID-19. Like many, when this global catastrophe started I was deeply worried seeing how our hospitals were excruciatingly slow, crowded, and with few health workers. But here we are, doing better than many countries whose annual GDP we can not start to fathom. That said, however, we could definitely do better.

I have never understood why our government prioritizes almost all else over Health care. You would think that life should be a little more important. But no, Members of Parliament apparently are. Then again why wouldn’t they when they are always seeking medical care from oversees, they definitely need the money. Ever occurred to you that if you invested in-house you wouldn’t have to travel that far?

Being in the 20th century you would think that when you get to hospital A, your doctor won’t have to ask you questions like “When were you last here?” or “Why are you here?” but no, they will. Every time. Why? Because they probably lost that form you filled in last or the desktop right in front of them barely works-that is if they can operate it. Make ICT a prerequisite for medical courses in this country. What sense does it make to have a doctor who can read a CT scan but can barely type?

We need to pay our health workers well. We just need to. It is wrong for someone to study for five years, save your life only to go back home worrying about what their family will eat the following day. And when they flee the country they are labeled unpatriotic. Who of us would choose a flag over their well being? Certainly not me.

I could go on and on about this but if you have been in this country you probably have had it worse. So feel free to add to the list.

Till then,

Stay safe.

#UgBlogMonth

Challenge 8/21

Best Relationship Advice.

loveRelationships, as we know them are beautifully complex. To say that I can give you the “best” advice about them would be ambitious because I have failed at them several times so I am no expert. More so, what works for one person might not necessarily work for another. However, each one of my relationships was/is different. The upside to that is the difference in lessons. So grab your favorite snack and read away.

Know and love who you are; I know you have heard this more times than you care to count but I promise that it is true. See, when you have nailed that down it helps you align your expectations, how to handle your insecurities, you know what you are attracted to (beyond the physical), what you can and can not compromise. But more importantly, you will not be looking for a friend or a husband to complete you. Only then will you be able to know, receive, and offer the love you deserve.

Know the person you are relating with; Most of us do not invest enough in this area only to find that it was a wastage of our precious time. Yes, maybe you are lonely or feeling like time is flying you by, in as much as I agree that you can never know someone entirely, I also agree that if you do not know them, you can only give them what they want not what they need. Do not be the person who goes out of their way to plan a marriage proposal only to be turned down. Talk, cover all the basics. The last thing you need is someone feeling like they are being trapped or rushed. Worst case scenario- s/he says yes, months or years(if you are unlucky) down the road you are looking for a way out to start all over again. Not worth it!

Respect each other; This is usually touch-and-go for most of us. One day you are in a good place the next thing you know you are so fond of each other you have lost it all. Do not take your relationship for granted. We are naturally all flawed beings and in hindsight, that is what makes relationships beautiful. Be honest, agree to disagree, and support each other(financially, emotionally, and otherwise). You will be surprised how closer these little things will get you.

Read as much as you can; More knowledge will go a long way, so read as much as you can. When you find your self in a new territory(which you will), you will have some reference.

Till next time,

Keep loving.

#UgBlogMonth

Challenge 7/21

What I do for Self-care?

I actually took time to do all things “self” today, so this is a rather timely topic. Self-care is paramount because as cliche as it sounds everything else should come after self. Not self-centeredness or even selfish but self prioritization. Most of us are in the habit of putting ourselves on the bottom of the list but in the long run, this takes its toll.

I pray, a whole lot. Why I do this is because in prayer I can afford to be vulnerable, honest, feel, and say all things without fear of judgment or even being loved less. My shortcomings are accepted, my mess is corrected and mostly I am reassured of my identity. That is something I need every day.

I read, sing, dance, and write. I endeavor to read content that serves and nourishes my mental health. The same goes for the music I sing, listen, and dance to. Writing, however, is different because my intentions are to always put up something that can help someone out there. However most times, I have no idea what I am writing until I am on this keyboard.

I do not involve myself in people’s businesses uninvited and mind with who I interact. This is crucial for me because I have witnessed what that does to people and relationships. Whether it’s marriages or a work colleague, I believe that everyone is entitled to their privacy until they deem it otherwise. I try to be there for my people when they need me but I also know when to give them space when they do not and vice versa. Believe it or not, this comes from a place love, respect, and understanding what works or doesn’t work for me.

I watch what I eat, how and when I do. This has been a challenge lately because of the season we are in. More so because I am exploring more about food. Matter of fact, I have been looking to gain a little weight which in many ways I have the lockdown to thank for but I do it all in moderations.

Exercise, care for my hair and skin. See a dentist as and when recommended, change my glasses when I need to, do mani-pedis as often as needed, and get enough rest.

PS; A chunk of these things has changed due to the lockdown but I make an effort to do as much as I can. I hope you are too.

Till next time.

#UgBlogMonth

Challenge 6/21.